Honesty, but maybe not complete.

I feel like I've been limiting myself on my posts and expressions because I'm aware some peers know who I am. Although anonymous to most, John Stamos has been exposed. I put this upon myself though, so basically I put a noose around my own neck and jumped.

I decided I'm not going to let this affect me any longer; honesty and originality is now going to pour out of me like that bad bean-and-cheese burrito I ate last week.
So let me list off some honest things so after this post, I'll be back in my groove..

Honestly, I think you have one of the most intriguing personalities known to man.. But we are just acquaintances, and it probably won't change.

Honestly, either you're too mature, or I'm too immature, but we definitely have our differences.

Honestly, the people I feel most comfortable around are the ones I'm not trying to impress, and that's why they are my best friends.
Except for that one girl I could say anything too, but she's too cool to hang out with an average Joe like me. Why can't I just be "Front-row Joe" or "GI Joe"..?

Honestly, the more pessimistic you are around me, the more I don't want to be around you. And yes, there is a major difference between that and being realistic, so don't try to call me out.

Honestly, I find it humorous, how you all act like you're so open-minded when in reality you have a mask on so thick it'd make Beyonce's booty jealous.

Honestly, we ALL hate your girlfriend, I even told you last week. Rumor has it she now has a "Pinterest" board dedicated to you. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a shrine of you in her closet too.

Honestly, I don't mind baggin on my some of my bros occasionally because I know they do the same to me. That's just how life is.
And yes I called you a liar to your face, and your facial reaction was just what I'd expect, guilty. Hand in the cookie jar... Hand in the cookie jar. Or maybe salsa dish, that might be more suitable.

Honestly, my attitude and is what defines my thoughts.
"Attitude reflect leadership, Cap'n."

Honestly, these are still things I'm not being COMPLETELY honest on. But I'm sitting in my boxers trying not to spill my chocolate milk. (Good luck figuring out that metaphor).

-J.Stamos.

Sixlets.

God popped his knuckles, BIG BANG.

And then she looked into my eyes.

Don't photograph this special moment PLEASE. 

Raise your glass of bottled water.

Seize the opportunity, ask it questions.

-J.Stamos.

Senioritis

My name is John Stamos and I have senioritis.
I'm going to keep this post short because... Well.... Senioritis.



-J.Stamos.

Smoke Crack?

All growing up my parents constantly warned me of the many dangers in life.

Being a normal child, I never really paid attention to what they said.

When my parents said, "Stop teasing your sibling."  What do you think I did? Slapped my brother across the face with a sock full of lead.

Okay, maybe no lead.

But in reality, doing the opposite of what they say is an unwritten rule during a child's glory days.

I honestly believe you can't go through life without experiencing trials and situations personally.

My dad always told me never to swear, it becomes a bad habit.

It wasn't until I was 16 and made a mistake in the game, my parents right there next to me on the sidelines, "dang."

Obviously it wasn't dang.

I never had felt so stupid, embarrassed, and rebellious simultaneously. I knew at that moment, my dad was right all along.

But if I had never sworn in front of my parents, and if I had never felt that humiliation; I never would've learned for myself.

I don't have to experience EVERYTHING for myself though, I think I'll stick with my parents advice on drugs and alcohol. Only smoke crack, nothing else.

BRAVERY RUNS IN MY FAMILY.*

To be honest I always thought my dad was a pansy, until I saw him dive off a 25 ft. cliff head first into the lake. I could barely gathered up the guts just to jump.

That's when I knew I wanted to inherit the courage that runs through my dad's veins. If a 50 year-old man lives a life with no fear, I want to too.

Two days later, 5 teenagers, 1 cliff. 45 feet to be exact. With my man-card on the line.. let's just say I'll remember to point my toes next time... good thing I'm not "Big-Foot".

I've learned a lot from my parents, and I've learned a lot from myself.

I've learned from my dad, that playing spin-the-bottle at age 15 is never a good idea, especially when you don't know how to kiss. ALSO I've learned from my dad that if you and all your roommates are suspicious of another roommate being gay, don't let the gay massage your hamstring. Just don't.

I've learned personally that if you let your cat sit on your lap, and then you're mean to her, she might try to make sure you don't have children. Umm... claws.

We are meant to experience a lot throughout our lives and smoking crack is definitely not one of them.

Don't do drugs.

-J.Stamos.

* Line taken from the poem "Coward" by A.R. Ammons

**Also I never have actually smoked crack.

that girl, i dread her so much.

Don't expect me to be making money like Bruce Wayne, because I don't expect you to be selling a new hit record every weekend like Taylor Swift.

She has so many expectations and assumes her future and life will be perfect. She wants everything to go the way she wants, and if it doesn't. BOOM! She explodes and isn't happy anymore.

That girl has been picking out her kids names since she was a little girl. Also she wants five kids.

Boy girl boy girl boy. Then her first child happened to be a girl, and so she never loves her daughter completely because, well, she's not a boy.

So she named her first daughter Tyler anyways.

That girl has been planning her dream wedding since she was a little girl. But her father lost his job right before the wedding and couldn't afford all flowers and decorations that she wanted. So he never got to meet his in-laws because she was so stubborn and full of hatred. The dad was trying his best, but it was never good enough.

That girl always wanted a big house full with matching furniture, and a huge pantry with healthy but tasty food for her children. But her husband was never the money-maker she thought he'd be, and so she slept in the guest bedroom and complained to her friends how useless her husband was.

EVEN THOUGH HE WAS WORKING 12 HOUR SHIFTS AND WORKING A SECOND PART-TIME JOB JUST TO PAY FOR HIS WIFE'S SHOPPING SPREES, AND THE BILLS.

A push-over he may be, but a soldier when it comes to his kids and family.

That girl filed for divorce, and abandoned the husband with four kids, along with medical bills still needed to be paid because the last child wasn't physically prepared to enter this harsh world. And the husband took a third job just so he could pay for a nanny.

That girl was the cause that led all her children into the wrong direction. While Tyler was cutting her wrists and trying her best fit in, her "mother" was paying for plastic surgery and hunting for a trophy-husband who would fit the needs she had and accept the lust she presents. That girl completely erased her family from her life.

That girl is what destroys men who are trying their best to provide for their families. That girl dreamed of a perfect life, and was determined to have it. That girl. That girl.

That girl, I dread her so much.

-J.Stamos.

My childhood best-friend had a nightmare.

I didn't have many friends. Something inside me told me to go outside during recess and play basketball. I had never played basketball before, skateboarding was my kind of thing. I walked out to the court anyways and there he was playing basketball by himself; the weird red-head who I knew lived near me but never had talked to before. I asked if I could play, he agreed and not soon after the recess was spent with me kicking the ball as far as possible and him chasing it down.

3rd grade was when we became best friends.

We walked home together after school already knowing we were best friends without having to say it out-loud to each other, because we were young and the fear of being rejected was a foreign language to us.

From that point forward we dreamed together of playing in the NBA. Shot after shot after shot we enjoyed our days as best friends.

Our positions were simple. I was always taller so I was the center, he was short he was the guard.

We played basketball together everyday until the the calluses on our hands started growing calluses, but we still continued on. Our childhood was spent together coated with sticky Popsicle fingers, dirty feet, and a worn-out basketball that was consumed with our dreams.

~

And then we hit puberty. Well, most kids our age hit puberty. He happened to be one of the few "late-bloomers".

And then he watched me make the 7th grade basketball team.

But we told ourselves it's because I was taller and a little stronger. There's always next year, and he accepted and was comfortable with the idea.

And then he watched me make the 8th grade basketball team.

But we told ourselves it's because I was taller and a little stronger and now a little faster. There's always next year, but he wasn't on-board completely with this idea.

We grew apart, but still had a strong friendship. I moved away which added an invisible yet noticeable wall between us. We'd still ball together every now and then but it wasn't the same, and we were older and I was the one with more experience.

And then he watched me make the 9th grade basketball team.

~

Until now I never realized how hard this was for him. Watching me be successful in OUR dreams. I was accomplishing what WE had planned to do together. But we grew older and he now made up excuses that he could convince himself with.

And then he watched me QUIT basketball and pursue other sports. Until now I never realized how HARD this was... I was in Hawaii playing soccer tournaments while he shot hoops alone. And I STILL made the teams without him.

~

I watched him go into depression. I watched him make up excuses and quit. I watched him WATCH ME.

I promise it wasn't as good as we dreamed it up to be. I wish we went through this together. That recess I made a best friend... and then made him watch me do the thing he ALWAYS loved more than me.

I wish I could tell you, you were always a better player then me. I wish I could tell you I'm sorry things didn't work out. I wish I could tell you I don't know why we stopped being friends, but I still consider you a brother. I wish I could tell you how much you taught me.

I KNOW you wanted what I got all through our childhood. But I don't believe YOU KNOW that I thought about you through the whole thing.

I wish I could tell you.... that watching me was not a nightmare, it was a documentary.

LOVE, your childhood best-friend.

-J.Stamos.

Moments

Moments:

i'm so thirsty for moments that i can't consume.

look in my eyes seek but don't assume.

zoom-in on my cornea then reflect back on ponderings.

i leave in search and stop in squanderings.

every-step i take is not backward but forward.

forward.

push-on strive thrive for the new.

i see my potential.

achieving is essential.

i feel the absence of time.

time is all i got.

i respect the past.

but recognize the future.

change is the most terrifying verb.

decisions is the second.

nouns interrupt my verbs and expect acknowledgement.

i have time noun, you just need to remember that.

i'm so thirsty for moments that i can't consume.

i'm even more hungry for instants i plan to monopolize.

J.Stamos.

face the space.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I knew it was necessary. I knew it was going to take awhile to get over, but I didn't know how long. I knew there was now going to be space between us, but I didn't know how much.

For the past 36 hours she's been on my mind. Every time my phone buzzes two-quick vibrations representing a text, I hope for her name.

~

I knocked on the door. Half of me wanting her to answer; the other half not so much. I feared the moment where we would have to make eye-contact for the first time again. I expected there to be space between us, but I didn't know how much.

We were all in a YOLO mood "per se". I drove us all around place-to-place; and shot-gun was empty with space, with me just hoping she'd fill it. Of course not, that would defeat the purpose of what we decided.

I didn't start much conversation between us because I knew every word I spoke, would just remind us of the night before. I didn't need any flashbacks, and she didn't either.

It was getting late and she stated it was time for her to go home.  We arrived back to our destination and she along with everyone else exited my car. That's the moment I faced the SPACE. She went the complete opposite direction around the vehicle to avoid confrontation with me. There is now SPACE.

How much? Someone please go find me a ruler, a tape-measure, a yard-stick; I need to measure this distance. I need to find the end of the space we created so I know what to expect. The more space the more space the more space I see, the more space I regret. We take it upon ourselves to decide how much space we will put between us. I just hope she wants the same amount as me.

~

I know this is what's right. I know space is necessary and what's best for the both of us.

What I didn't anticipate is how much I want this space to evaporate. Evaporate for the both of us. Eventually the space will be gone. Maybe the space will be gone and our lives will be so different we won't even notice. Maybe the space will be gone and that's the first thing we notice.

SPACE and TIME have an insane correlation.

I guess I just need time, and hopefully the space will dissipate.

For now my life is focused on other things, although my mind is focused on you.

Once I get my mind and life on the same track, I'll be able to face the space.

-J.Stamos.

i don't remember this happening

We talked about how scary the future is.

We talked about how our childhood's are gone and history.

We talked about how we don't feel the age we actually are.

I'm glad we talked about this, because now I know I'm not alone.

I don't know what to expect of the future. I love reminiscing back on my childhood. Pick up games with a dirty worn-out basketball and never having to wear deodorant.  Girls were cute, but I never paid much attention to them...  I paid more attention to how many assists Steve Nash got the night before, or if Dirk Nowitski was still going to be on "injury-reserve" (those are basketball players by the way).

I used to look up to the 19 year-olds receiving their mission calls and leaving like they were heros. Man, they were so cool. Just them acknowledging my existence while I walked past them in church would make my day.

Now I'm in their shoes. I don't feel my age. I don't feel like I'm about to graduate. I don't feel like I got accepted to multiple universities. I don't even remember applying. When did I read and re-read the Book of Mormon? When did I work all summer and make minimum wage? I don't remember ever having a crush on you, but you still look at me like our past together was yesterday. STOP.

Is my mission really coming up this fast? Is one of my best-friends really is going to Europe to serve our Lord? When did my testimony of the Gospel grow so big? I never imagined having a testimony this strong.

Three more months and I'm about to take the biggest step in my life. I still haven't completely grasped the concept of my future. It still hasn't fully hit me. Come and HIT ME! Hit me like a bulldozer because I'm scared of the fact that I don't realize how real this is. I don't realize how soon my high school will be over. I go to sleep every night not realizing how quick things are moving.

The more I think and write about this subject, the more I'm scared.

I'm scared of the future.  I'm scared of.... what I'm about to do with my life.

I'm excited for the future because changes are necessary and actually... I'm not that scared. and that's what scares me the most. the absence of my fear.

-J.Stamos.

I stare down death with a smile.

I sit in a congested room. So many people. Smiles everywhere and at least two crying babies.
Why is everyone SO happy? I know why. There is no boundaries or limits in this building. People spill out their thoughts and feelings like a drunk spills his Budweiser while watching the Super Bowl. Anyways, this is REAL happiness. We smile because we know something that most the world can't even grasp the concept of. Life. And death.

The man two rows down to the left of me just lost his beloved wife to cancer. BUT, he's smiling and wiping tears as another peer bears testimony of life. You WILL be with her again.
How can this be? She's dead. You'll never see her again.
Wrong. He smiles because of his knowledge of the plan of salvation. He's a widower on earth but a husband and father in the after-life. Eternity.

I ain't gonna preach to you. But I'll be danged if I don't testify to you.

I couldn't live my life if I didn't have the knowledge I do now. I wouldn't sleep because sleep is the cousin of death. I wouldn't breathe because any second, any minute could be my last, why try? I wouldn't smile because death is just around the corner, always.

Death isn't scary to me. It's only a physical death. My spirit moves on to a world I can't even close to imagine.

There is no beginning. There is no end.

Love God, love man. God be with you til we meet again.

-J.Stamos.