My childhood best-friend had a nightmare.

I didn't have many friends. Something inside me told me to go outside during recess and play basketball. I had never played basketball before, skateboarding was my kind of thing. I walked out to the court anyways and there he was playing basketball by himself; the weird red-head who I knew lived near me but never had talked to before. I asked if I could play, he agreed and not soon after the recess was spent with me kicking the ball as far as possible and him chasing it down.

3rd grade was when we became best friends.

We walked home together after school already knowing we were best friends without having to say it out-loud to each other, because we were young and the fear of being rejected was a foreign language to us.

From that point forward we dreamed together of playing in the NBA. Shot after shot after shot we enjoyed our days as best friends.

Our positions were simple. I was always taller so I was the center, he was short he was the guard.

We played basketball together everyday until the the calluses on our hands started growing calluses, but we still continued on. Our childhood was spent together coated with sticky Popsicle fingers, dirty feet, and a worn-out basketball that was consumed with our dreams.

~

And then we hit puberty. Well, most kids our age hit puberty. He happened to be one of the few "late-bloomers".

And then he watched me make the 7th grade basketball team.

But we told ourselves it's because I was taller and a little stronger. There's always next year, and he accepted and was comfortable with the idea.

And then he watched me make the 8th grade basketball team.

But we told ourselves it's because I was taller and a little stronger and now a little faster. There's always next year, but he wasn't on-board completely with this idea.

We grew apart, but still had a strong friendship. I moved away which added an invisible yet noticeable wall between us. We'd still ball together every now and then but it wasn't the same, and we were older and I was the one with more experience.

And then he watched me make the 9th grade basketball team.

~

Until now I never realized how hard this was for him. Watching me be successful in OUR dreams. I was accomplishing what WE had planned to do together. But we grew older and he now made up excuses that he could convince himself with.

And then he watched me QUIT basketball and pursue other sports. Until now I never realized how HARD this was... I was in Hawaii playing soccer tournaments while he shot hoops alone. And I STILL made the teams without him.

~

I watched him go into depression. I watched him make up excuses and quit. I watched him WATCH ME.

I promise it wasn't as good as we dreamed it up to be. I wish we went through this together. That recess I made a best friend... and then made him watch me do the thing he ALWAYS loved more than me.

I wish I could tell you, you were always a better player then me. I wish I could tell you I'm sorry things didn't work out. I wish I could tell you I don't know why we stopped being friends, but I still consider you a brother. I wish I could tell you how much you taught me.

I KNOW you wanted what I got all through our childhood. But I don't believe YOU KNOW that I thought about you through the whole thing.

I wish I could tell you.... that watching me was not a nightmare, it was a documentary.

LOVE, your childhood best-friend.

-J.Stamos.