i don't remember this happening

We talked about how scary the future is.

We talked about how our childhood's are gone and history.

We talked about how we don't feel the age we actually are.

I'm glad we talked about this, because now I know I'm not alone.

I don't know what to expect of the future. I love reminiscing back on my childhood. Pick up games with a dirty worn-out basketball and never having to wear deodorant.  Girls were cute, but I never paid much attention to them...  I paid more attention to how many assists Steve Nash got the night before, or if Dirk Nowitski was still going to be on "injury-reserve" (those are basketball players by the way).

I used to look up to the 19 year-olds receiving their mission calls and leaving like they were heros. Man, they were so cool. Just them acknowledging my existence while I walked past them in church would make my day.

Now I'm in their shoes. I don't feel my age. I don't feel like I'm about to graduate. I don't feel like I got accepted to multiple universities. I don't even remember applying. When did I read and re-read the Book of Mormon? When did I work all summer and make minimum wage? I don't remember ever having a crush on you, but you still look at me like our past together was yesterday. STOP.

Is my mission really coming up this fast? Is one of my best-friends really is going to Europe to serve our Lord? When did my testimony of the Gospel grow so big? I never imagined having a testimony this strong.

Three more months and I'm about to take the biggest step in my life. I still haven't completely grasped the concept of my future. It still hasn't fully hit me. Come and HIT ME! Hit me like a bulldozer because I'm scared of the fact that I don't realize how real this is. I don't realize how soon my high school will be over. I go to sleep every night not realizing how quick things are moving.

The more I think and write about this subject, the more I'm scared.

I'm scared of the future.  I'm scared of.... what I'm about to do with my life.

I'm excited for the future because changes are necessary and actually... I'm not that scared. and that's what scares me the most. the absence of my fear.

-J.Stamos.